Sunday, 4 March 2012

More Interesting?

Well it's the best part of a week since I have been here......

The question is - am I more interesting this way or daily?


Had I not made that executive decision last week I would not have been around so much anyway.......I have had my meds increased.....

Those of you who know me and/or the illness will understand this. I feel the need to withdraw from everyone and everything when I get really low. And that is where I have been this week.

It was clearly coming on for a while but I didn't notice the signs. Steve, however did, and when we saw the GP on Wednesday he expressed his concerns. Apparently I have been obsessing over various things (was this one I wonder?) and that to him is a sure sign that I am going downhill. I said Winter had been difficult as it usually is for depression sufferers but I was battling against an increase in anti depressants. I explained to her (new doctor and very nice too) that it made me feel such a failure to admit I needed an increase. She put it very clearly that were I diabetic my insulin needs would waver. This was a very similar thing - just an inbalance of chemicals in my brain that vary from time to time. It has nothing to do with me or my coping abilities - it is in my body, and as such I have no control over it.

And she said that what I have to deal with (dad) would be a trial for anyone without my illness.

So all in all I was content to double my dosage.

Ha! That was just the beginning. The reality of it hadn't kicked in then. It has now............

I don't know what side effects others have with any other drugs, but anti depressants, be it an increase or a new drug, always have the same effect on me. Day One my eyes feel hot and dry, a little like conjunctivitis. Day Two my tummy feels fragile and I am not keen to eat (can't eat much at the moment anyway!). Day Three (which is today) everything happens in slo-mo. I move my head and it takes my brain a second or two to catch up on what my eyes are seeing. That's the best way I can describe this feeling.

The good news is that I can feel my mood lifting slightly.

I have also had a nasty headache for over a week. Ex-Lax is sorting that!

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